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2022-11-05
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After the success of Dr Hilary's slot on GMTV and the advent of columns
such as that of "Ask Dr Alan" in 'Woman' magazine, the Word if proud to
present:-
|ASK DR CRIPPIN!
Our first problem for our resident agony-aunt, Dr Crippin, to ponder
over, is a commonly encountered problem in this line of business, that
of the marriage that has become lacklustre, and caused strained tensions
and wandering fancies...
Dear Dr Crippin,
I am a young wife of 32 years whose married life has become somewhat
dull & lifeless over the past year or so. My husband of eight years has
begun to express disinterest and does not seem to find me sexually
attractive anymore. He never was very big in the trousers department,
and could never have been described as a stud, but a he was better than
nothing (marginally) and a woman needs to get hers too, you know!!
Please help, as I am on the brink of a very serious relationship with a
young cucumber I met on a lunch date.
Yours,
|Worried in Wigan
Mrs Worried,
In my professional opinion, in order to put the spark back into your
relationship, you should wait for him to come home from work one evening
and give him a big surprise. I suggest soaking your husband's
underpants in salt water, then wiring his favourite armchair up to the
mains. These will certainly be a surprise, and should alleviate your
problems in an instant (for once, not organised by Camelot!).
My next letter is from a computer porgrammer in Cleethorpes,
Dear Dr Crippin,
I am a coder from Cleethorpes (I just said that, thicko!), and I have a
severe problem in that, I'm so jealous of my mate, Dibz (aka Aladdin
Sane), that I take the piss out of him no end. He's such a rock-god
sex-machine cosmic diva that I cannot help but feel complete
self-loathing when in his most gracious presence.
Please help, as I have even been writing scurrilous articles in a
disk-zine (what a lovely word, DISK-ZINE, it just rolls off the tongue)
about him, when they're blatantly untrue.
Yours,
|CUNT from Cleethorpes
Dear CUNT,
Its obvious to me that your friend is the handsomest, most gorgeously
sexy and omnipotent lurve-fiend in the entire universe and you should be
SERIOUSLY ASHAMED of the terrible things you have done to him. I am
afraid you will just have to hope that he is as forgiving as he is
raunchy and that he will accept as his friend once more, probably after
you having completed a number of small tasks (ever heard of the LABOURS
OF HERCULES ?)
That's about all for this ish, CUNT has pisseed me off to the extent
that I cannot be ARSED to answer any more worries, now go on, SOD OFF !
|DR CRIPPIN
Dr Crippin, just one of the many facets of my wonderful personality...
Aladdin Sane
(1974 - 199?)